What is Love? ❤️🖤❤️🖤


This is such a hard post for me to share, but it’s weighting on my heart so much lately. So here I go…

What is Love & am I deserving of it? I’ve always struggled with it my whole life. I’ve always been told be confident you have something to offer someone. I have never really believed in myself. We are always told that we don’t need anyone to believe in us but we have ourself, but what if we do need someone to believe in us? Why is it such a flaw to need love & need someone to believe in us?

To me love is showing someone by your actions that you care & you are there for them. Not just because you say it or you buy them “things” all the time! I want to do things without the person having to ask me or going out of my way to do something for them, or write them a note! These small & big things are so appreciated! I can say that because I truly appreciate these things!

Most people will not understand how I feel or why I struggle & that’s ok. I’m thankful not everyone has gone through such a dark time as I have. 

When I turned 19 I got my second job & started to make “friends” that I though were there for me. I was told that I should try to lose weight & alter how I looked. Mind you I only weighted between 125 & 130 & was 5’5. Now that I look back at pictures I am sad that I was so skinny & unhealthy. So to fit in & listen to the bad advice of my “friends” I started skipping meals & if I ate to much I’d through it up. 

Thankful because my mom stepped in & pushed for me to eat & be healthy I got over it. I felt to be loved that I had to be skinny & unhealthy. To this day I still struggle with my weight. 

This month weights on me because it is suicide prevention month. By the age of twenty one I struggled with feeling loved & accepted. So I tried committing suicide multiple times. I tried over dosing on pills & someone found me & took me to the doctors. Needless to say God had a plan with my life because I’m still here. 

I still to this day have my struggles. It’s been put in my head hat I don’t deserve love or I’m not good enough to be loved or what do I do to deserve love. As girls we get told we are crazy for wanting to be loved or have someone be committed to us, but hats not true & maybe we give more love then some people deserve because we have a longing to be desired & loved. 

I’ve heard it all & that’s my flaw of letting those words pierce my heart & wound me. I allow myself to question my existence & my worth. I am worth something though & I have started to realize this. I am here to show people I have survived & that you can overcome something even if it’s one day at a time!

Do not be afraid to ask for support or admit you need help. Your life is important & I’m still learning just that! The journey & the trials & good times are all worth it in the end to discover that, so don’t give up! You are loved!

I am thankful for my parents & sister because they have encouraged me in every way that they can. I am thankful that I married a man that tries to go out of his way & show me love. 

It’s hard because I know people can be judgemental about my past or that I even struggle & that causes me anxiety so bad! I know that it’s worth it if I can just help or encourage one person. All lives matter! ❤️


Chicke, rice & pineapple 

I needed some quick & easy today as it was a busy day for our household. So I made chicken & rice with pineapple. 

I cubed up the chicken & seasoned it & cooked it in butter! Below is a picture of the seasonings that I used & I used a teaspoon of each. 

While that was cooking I made the rice in my rice cooker. One cup of white rice & one cup of water. 

Next I put a teaspoon of butter in another pan & cooked the pineapple until it had a nice Carmel coloring. 

Then I mixed everything together. To add some color to the plate I added sliced tomatoes with dressing & some pepper flacks & green beans cooked in soy sauce. 

It completed the dish perfectly & tasted marvelous! Perfect quick lunch for today! 

Steak & pineapple

Hey guys! 

So I made this recipe a while back but forgot to post it. I made Steak, pineapple, small potatoes with herbs & a side salad with home made ranch & green olives!

My husband only eats chicken, beef & fish so I have to be creative to switch the flavors & meals up. 

Pineapple has been one of my favorite ingredients lately & it’s weird because as a kid I didn’t like pineapple that much & now I love it!! 

So for this recipe I cooked Milanese cut steak (which is my favorite!) and seasoned it with some paprika & cooked it in yup you guessed it butter! I topped the steak in pineapple that I pan fried in its own juice. 

For the potatoes I sautéed them in butter with some garlic & an Italian seasoning blend. They were so tasty & so much flavor! 

Then I made a side salad, which I cheated this time & bought a package salad & then added some tomatoes & green olives to it. I didn’t add to much of the green olives, but just enough for a little salty flavor. Then topped it with the ranch which I have the recipe on another post. 

This makes for a tasty, beautiful yet simple meal & I always make enough so I have leftovers to send to work with my husband. He enjoyed it the first time & even the second time around! 

I hope you enjoy it too if you try it!! Xo- C

Garlic Dijon Dressing

I love ranch, but sometimes I want something different. So I found this recipe & I tweaked to my taste. Also I don’t measure. I just mix the ingredients together until I like they way the flavors have blended together. So here’s what I used:

I use roasted garlic which I roast in a pan with butter & then in my little blender I add  Dijon mustard, olive oil & red wine vinegar. I add a sprinkle of sugar to take away the bite. I blend it until smooth & thick enough to stick to my salads nicely. No one wants a salad with a thin watery dressing!

I use it for steak salads or chicken salads. If you try it I hope you enjoy it! Xo – C

Gluten Free White Cheddar Mac & Cheese

My husband has wanted Mac & Cheese so bad lately so I did some searching & finally just made my own recipe! 

So I got Barillas gluten free elbow noodles & Cracker Barrel’s White Cheddar. So after boiling the noodles I added the grated white cheddar & butter & buttermilk to make it creamy! Then I baked it for about 25 minutes to get it a little harder on the top! That’s how I like mine!

I served it with steak & shrimp & corn & a house salad. I have to say it was pretty taste & really wasn’t that hard to make. I also love that it was all gluten free! 

I have to say I’m enjoying cutting the gluten out especially since I’m starting to feel better! Hope that if you try to make it you enjoy it! Xo – C 

We are Family…

Now that I’m in my 30’s & wanting to start my own family the meaning of family has been coming up a lot.

 What is family? How does one figure this out. When I look back on my childhood & see what family was it makes more sense to me then how most people define it now a days. 

I found this quote that explains it so well & I want to share it with you guys. 

So to me family isn’t necessarily someone who is blood related or even someone who has the same last name as you. It’s someone who loves you in the good times & the bad times. Someone who helps you without expecting something in return. Someone who builds you up & defends you instead of gossiping about you or putting you down. 

This is what family is to me. So even if we are blood related or have the same last name we may not. E as much family as the person that is always there for me or is a part of my life. That’s just how it is & im thankful for the little bit of family that I have & all that they do for me & us! 

My best friends have fur…

It’s coming up on six months since I lost my side kick who happened to be my little fur baby. You never realize how much your pet means to you until you lose them or you go through something and need them. 

I never understood how people say that pets aren’t a part of your family or don’t mean anything! They are there for you when you are sad, happy, angry, lonely & hurt. 

My little side kick was always there to greet me at the door when I got home along with her big brother. She was my napping partner when I had long days at work & she loved to be cuddled! 

I got to teach her how to walk on a leash & finally got her to be comfortable with riding in the car with us. She was my first baby & allowed me to learn as she was learning. She was a mommies girl for sure 

She loved her dad & her brother so much & loved running as she had a lot of energy! She loved running circles around Otis & keeping him on his toes! 

Unfortunately in December we lost our little fur baby Nina & to this day it still hurts our hearts. We miss her cuddles & her energy & love. We are still blessed to have our big boy Otis who definitely helped his mommy (me) as I battled depression & anxiety after dealing with the loss of our son Ezekiel. 

Otis has become a mommas boy & now loves to cuddle with mom, but whines for dad when he comes home! We are so thankful for him & cherish each moment with him! 

In a month out big boy will be 7 years old & we can’t wait to celebrate him! He got a new memory foam bed today for his birthday & then he will get some treats & a special healthy meal on his birthday! 

We love him so much & when we have a bigger home in a couple months we will God willing be rescuing another dog & save a life & give Otis another buddy!