What is Love? ❤️🖤❤️🖤


This is such a hard post for me to share, but it’s weighting on my heart so much lately. So here I go…

What is Love & am I deserving of it? I’ve always struggled with it my whole life. I’ve always been told be confident you have something to offer someone. I have never really believed in myself. We are always told that we don’t need anyone to believe in us but we have ourself, but what if we do need someone to believe in us? Why is it such a flaw to need love & need someone to believe in us?

To me love is showing someone by your actions that you care & you are there for them. Not just because you say it or you buy them “things” all the time! I want to do things without the person having to ask me or going out of my way to do something for them, or write them a note! These small & big things are so appreciated! I can say that because I truly appreciate these things!

Most people will not understand how I feel or why I struggle & that’s ok. I’m thankful not everyone has gone through such a dark time as I have. 

When I turned 19 I got my second job & started to make “friends” that I though were there for me. I was told that I should try to lose weight & alter how I looked. Mind you I only weighted between 125 & 130 & was 5’5. Now that I look back at pictures I am sad that I was so skinny & unhealthy. So to fit in & listen to the bad advice of my “friends” I started skipping meals & if I ate to much I’d through it up. 

Thankful because my mom stepped in & pushed for me to eat & be healthy I got over it. I felt to be loved that I had to be skinny & unhealthy. To this day I still struggle with my weight. 

This month weights on me because it is suicide prevention month. By the age of twenty one I struggled with feeling loved & accepted. So I tried committing suicide multiple times. I tried over dosing on pills & someone found me & took me to the doctors. Needless to say God had a plan with my life because I’m still here. 

I still to this day have my struggles. It’s been put in my head hat I don’t deserve love or I’m not good enough to be loved or what do I do to deserve love. As girls we get told we are crazy for wanting to be loved or have someone be committed to us, but hats not true & maybe we give more love then some people deserve because we have a longing to be desired & loved. 

I’ve heard it all & that’s my flaw of letting those words pierce my heart & wound me. I allow myself to question my existence & my worth. I am worth something though & I have started to realize this. I am here to show people I have survived & that you can overcome something even if it’s one day at a time!

Do not be afraid to ask for support or admit you need help. Your life is important & I’m still learning just that! The journey & the trials & good times are all worth it in the end to discover that, so don’t give up! You are loved!

I am thankful for my parents & sister because they have encouraged me in every way that they can. I am thankful that I married a man that tries to go out of his way & show me love. 

It’s hard because I know people can be judgemental about my past or that I even struggle & that causes me anxiety so bad! I know that it’s worth it if I can just help or encourage one person. All lives matter! ❤️


Chicke, rice & pineapple 

I needed some quick & easy today as it was a busy day for our household. So I made chicken & rice with pineapple. 

I cubed up the chicken & seasoned it & cooked it in butter! Below is a picture of the seasonings that I used & I used a teaspoon of each. 

While that was cooking I made the rice in my rice cooker. One cup of white rice & one cup of water. 

Next I put a teaspoon of butter in another pan & cooked the pineapple until it had a nice Carmel coloring. 

Then I mixed everything together. To add some color to the plate I added sliced tomatoes with dressing & some pepper flacks & green beans cooked in soy sauce. 

It completed the dish perfectly & tasted marvelous! Perfect quick lunch for today! 

We are Family…

Now that I’m in my 30’s & wanting to start my own family the meaning of family has been coming up a lot.

 What is family? How does one figure this out. When I look back on my childhood & see what family was it makes more sense to me then how most people define it now a days. 

I found this quote that explains it so well & I want to share it with you guys. 

So to me family isn’t necessarily someone who is blood related or even someone who has the same last name as you. It’s someone who loves you in the good times & the bad times. Someone who helps you without expecting something in return. Someone who builds you up & defends you instead of gossiping about you or putting you down. 

This is what family is to me. So even if we are blood related or have the same last name we may not. E as much family as the person that is always there for me or is a part of my life. That’s just how it is & im thankful for the little bit of family that I have & all that they do for me & us! 

Deviliciousness & Refuge Brewery…

On April 8, 2017 we went to Refuge Brewery in Temecula & seen Jason Cruz who is the frontman for the punk rock band Strungout. He was playing acoustic that night & did some song from his new album that is coming out. 

Refuge Brewery was a really nice place. Bigger then what I had anticipated & clean & classy for being a bar! The decor made you feel sophisticated, but very comfortable at the same time. I didn’t drink because I couldn’t, but my husband & friends said the brews were really good!

Deviliciousness put on the concert & catered the food with their food truck. They were celebrating their 2 year anniversary as a restaurant which is right down the street from the brewery. My husband & I really want to go to their restaurant now after this & see what they have. 

My husband bought his ticket online & then we bought mine at the door because I was the DD, so in all we paid 20 dollars to get in & he got a free beer with the souvenir cups we got with our ticket purchase. 

The concert was great & we seen many of our friends there too. It was a laid back evening where we enjoyed great music & got to socialize with some friends we don’t see that often! 

Here is some snapshots from that night: 

If you want to check out either place here’s the information for them:

Refuge Brewery 

43040 Rancho Way Ste. 200

Temecula, Ca 92590

28693 Old Town Front St. #104

Temecula, Ca 92590
Xo – C

Friendship & privacy 

Hey guys so this is a topic I’m learning & have struggled with for a while now. I want everyone to like me & I want people to treat me the way I would or do treat them. The truth is that’s not how life goes. There’s true friendship & there’s acquaintances. 
True friendship is where you actually have a relationship with a person & you work at getting to know the person more & growing together. You may not always agree on every thought or idea, but that doesn’t ruin your friendship. You also stay in touch with that person & they are involved in your life & you know that if you tell them something in confidence they won’t break that confidence. 
An acquaintance is someone you know or you family or friend knows them. You seem them at different events or are Facebook “friends” with them. This person isn’t someone that you hang out with or talk to or have deep conversations with. You aren’t disturbed if you don’t see or hear from them for a while or ever again. 
So many times we confuse the two. We think we have to be “friends” with everyone. Wrong! You should be very selective about who you are friends with! Think about these things when analyzing if you should be friends or not. 
1. Are they trustworthy?

2. Do they encourage me to be a better person or do they bring me down?

3. What does my family think of them?

4. Do they actually make time for our friendship? 

5. Do they gossip or are negative or talk down about me or my other friends & family or their other friends or family?

6. What do they bring into my life? 

7. What is their character like?

8. Am I comfortable around them or do I act like someone else when they are around?
Think about what kind of people you want to associate with & remember you don’t have to be friends with everyone! You can be polite & cordial with everyone, but that doesn’t mean exhaust yourself & pour yourself into hundreds of people. Choose a handful of true friends & stick to that. Have trustworthy people that are going to bring something into the friendship just as you should bring something into it too. Remember you only have so many seats at your private table. Who will you choose?