Mothers Day & My Babies…

As I sit & write this I am filled with many different emotions. Anger, hurt, sadness & love. This isn’t an easy post for me to write let alone topic for me to think about. I am writing this so that I prayerfully can help others, but also so I can start my healing & becoming stronger. 

I am filled with anger because that’s a normal part of grief & we wonder why us? What did we do to deserve such pain like this?

I’m hurt because so many people have said rude, inconsiderate & mean things. “It wasn’t meant to be for you to have a baby. ” “You will get over it.” ” You need to just get over it’s done.” “It wasn’t really a baby so why are you so upset.” “That baby didn’t have any rights anyway so what’s the big deal.” “I never wanted kids, you dodged a bullet.” “Are you sure you were pregnant? I think you just wanted attention.” I have heard all of these and heard it many times. I understand most people don’t know what to say, but please I don’t need your input. Most the time people just need to hear I’m sorry & that’s it. They don’t expect you to fix it, but surely they don’t expect you to be insensitive. 

I have sadness because my little ones aren’t with me. I’ll never hold Ezekiel again & I’ll never get to hold our rainbow baby ever. My heart has an emptiness in it & if you show that you are shamed by society. It’s not ok to struggle with grief at all. You are told you are weak minded if you struggle with it. I am also sad that we won’t see our children play, laugh, smile or ever talk. Miscarriage is an actual loss. 

I have love also for many reasons. I have love for my husband. He went through this with me & stayed with me. I have love for our beautiful babies who we both would talk to & tell them both we loved them so much. I have love for those that have been through this & have wrapped their loving arms around us & showered us continually with love & prayer & their tears. 

Miscarriage is hard both mentally & physically hard. It doesn’t matter how far along a woman is it’s still a loss. She lost a part of her. You bond with that baby & connect with that baby. So tell me why we shame woman for grieving their loss & it’s taboo to have it known that you lost your babies? 

We need to encourage anyone who has gone through this that it’s ok to grieve your loss & that you are not weak! Ladies if you have gone through this the pain will never truly go away, but one day it won’t be as strong as it is in the beginning. For those of you that advocate & counsel & share your stories may God bless you as you’ve helped & touched so many lives! 

This is for our son Ezekiel & our rainbow baby. You will never be forgotten & you are so loved even if you aren’t here in our arms. I’ll always love you 🖤 Mom 

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